Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Promise (Chapter 34 & 35)

Chapter 34

She is standing in front of the floor to ceiling glass windows, looking out from the hotel, watching the twinkling lights sparkle from the surrounding high-rise buildings.

Perhaps each of these twinkle lights embraces their own story, would there any of them get the same struggle just like hers, sleeplessly trying hard to search for an answer? 

For this Compassion campaign, they would travel to different places in United States, performing in churches for fund raising. The events were well arranged and planed by Cha In-Pyo and Shin Ae-ra couple ahead of time, she just needed to follow the arrangements, and enjoyed the bliss she felt carrying out these performances. 

Travelling overseas, briefly getting away from the boisterous Entertainment world, maybe she could find her serenity, and get the chance to quiet down and concentrate on considering things thoroughly.

White day is approaching, and his drama filming is coming to an end soon, but her heart is still wavering, could not settle with an answer. 

She once thought his busy schedules would eventually make his feeling towards her fade away, and sooner or later they would end naturally, but what happened the past few months, just done the opposite and tangled them tighter and tighter.

She dreadfully worried about his health, whatever happened to him will make her nervous and panic.

And no matter how busy he was, he never failed to keep in touch with her.

He even shown up on the date liked the PaekSang Art Awards……
Thinking back that day, looking at how exhausted he was, and how quickly he dozed off, she could not control the aching she felt deep in her heart.

The gaps and disparities between them are awfully huge, in her eyes, there is no way they could overcome them. Although they got attached, it was only for the show, the two of them doomed to be two parallel lines in the end.

She could not understand why he was able to ignore all these differences and gaps in reality, standing so strong on his feeling.

All she could claim is that he probably still too young, there are still a lot of things he is not aware of.

But now …… She is not so sure either ……

She firmly believes without any doubt that she would get her blessing and happiness if she puts in all her efforts, and that is why she always tries her best on everything she does.

Spending too much time focusing on the process, but forget to think about what she really wants and why she is putting in all her efforts for.

Continuously running …… keep on running ….. When she finally looked up, she realized she could not find where her destination is, isn’t it really silly?

She admires him, he clearly knows what he wants from the very beginning, and he focus on putting in efforts towards his goal. Although there are times his goal seemed streaming away from him, and there are times he fell behind, but he never loses his sight heading to his destination.

Getting to know him, some of her usual ways of thinking was knocked down. She starts to re-evaluate herself again, adjusting and modifying her way of thinking. Bearing in mind the things and questions that she never thought of before.

From time to time, this question pops up in her mind, ‘If she missed knowing him, would she still able to meet someone whom made her heart flutter just like how she felt when she met him?’

She is not someone falls in love easily, it is he, who once again made her feels her heart flutters after such a long time. 

She is really happy being with him, they do not need to do anything in particular, even if they are just quietly staying in the same room working things on their own.

Is she still qualified to be irrational at least one more time?

Will she has enough confident to overcome the obstacles lie in front of them?
If she failed, will she has enough courage to go through the pain of the consequences?

These questions constantly replay themselves in her mind, but she could not find any answer.

Yesterday, when she was chatting with Shin Ae-ra, they inadvertently talked about him, Shin Ae-ra said HJ gave her a strong impression, and she thought he is someone with his own points of view and staying strong with them.

HB briefly told Shin Ae-ra what happened between them, and what she thought about their relationship.

Shin Ae-ra looked at her with understanding expression,
“It is really not easy to make a decision for woman reaching the same age ……”
“That’s right, and is not qualified to take risk any more.” HB nodded and said.

Shin Ae-ra took a look at her, considered quietly for awhile, slowly said,
“How do we live a life without taking any risk? Though it is someone else, even if it is someone with same age and with very comparative personalities, would there be no risk?”
“But …… when you clearly knew it is a risk, but still go forward to pursue, isn’t it silly?” HB asked and smiled bitterly.

Shin Ae-ra continued, “There is no absolute right or wrong on a lot of matters, it depends on your efforts, the key is your heart, how you feel deep in your heart …… following what your heart leads you, so that you won’t regret, and you won’t be contrite in the future.”
“But …… there are loads of actual facts in reality that you just can’t deny and refuse to see.” HB couldn’t retrained, and still felt very worried.

Shin Ae-ra looked at her for a moment, made a sigh, and said,
“A lot of times, Happiness arrive in a way that is not in favor of how you expected it would be, but no matter how it arrived, the happiness we might feel and sense is always the same……. What kind of feeling is that, Hwangbo, carefully ask yourself …… you would find your answer.”

Words from Shin Ae-ra have magic powers, those words seem to penetrate into listener’s soul.

HB is speechless, she quietly listening to her words.
She needs time to digest what Shin Ae-ra said.

Getting to know him, getting close with him, is a surprise in her life, although this throws her into confusion, messes up her usual pace, trembles and interferes her heart, but she cannot deny the beauty involved.

If she did not join WGM, if she did not get to know him, if she did not …… how regretful would that be.

Shin Ae-ra is right, you cannot live a life without taking any risk.

The man whom made her experienced the extreme pain and aching in her heart came to her mind.
She had been asking herself, if she knew the result was like that, would she still willing to devote her love and vow for those 8 years?

She could not find the answer, after all, she did loved him, she did put in efforts for him, she did not regret, she just felt the pale sorrow.
Right before the moment they broke up, she still firmly believed she would walk with him until the end of time, and be proud of it, but the result …… in fact, no one could predict.

HB took the navy blue suede case out of her bag. She recalled the time when she packed her luggage for this trip, she struggled and hesitated for a long time before she packed this suede case and brought it along with her to US.

Putting it on her palm, looking at it for a moment……
Clasping tightly ……


Chapter 35

On site filming in Jeju-do for BOF,

In his impression, Jeju-do is a beautiful place,
But this time round, he comes to Jeju-do again, the sceneries do not change, except that these sceneries are lacking the glamour they once had in his memories. Just like any places he had been before, could not leave any trace in his heart.

Sending her a message, “Jeju-do, doesn’t seem as beautiful as last year.”

Jeju-do, the place that holds loads of memories belong only to them, just significantly belongs to them only.

The first time going to the beach with her, the first time sailing with her, the first time hiking Halla-San with her, the first time ……

Looking at the familiar places, her images often jump up in his mind,

Arriving at Jeju-do airport, he thought of their awkward first meeting, remembering her riding on and approaching him stunningly in the Red Convertible Beetle.

Riding his way from the airport to the hotel, he recalled their two very distinct conversations in the same red car.

The sponsored hotel is even the same one they had been in during WGM time, the familiar feelings sweep through him all the way.

He is standing in front of the floor to ceiling glass windows, looking out from the hotel, staring at the sea from afar, the sea coloring in deep blue, surfacing a thick mist on top. 

The beach that they had been there twice, the beach where they ran together, the beach where they wrote messages together, although it is only steps away, right now, he does not have the urge to go again.

Those images, those memories, already sealed deeply in his mind, could never be replaced again.

The BOF filming is set for the wedding photo competition with Gum Jandi1,

Thinking of their 100th day wedding photo shoot, how he breathlessly looking at her standing in front of him for the first time in her gorgeous wedding dress, she looks as if she is covering in shimmer, she is unbelievably dazzling, and she simply takes away his breath.

He really felt like he had experienced a real marriage, remembering the time when they filmed WGM in the village, when she slipped out those words, “When I got married later……”, he said he would go and spread the words that this woman was marrying twice. The same goes to him too, how he still got the impression of being married.

Between shootings, looking far into Halla-San from a distance, the mountain sheltered with fog, its figure could only be seen every now and then when the fog is thinning.

Halla-San, the place where they created their own legend, if he was given another chance, he is willing to hike up again, with her.

Kind of anxious and edgy……

The White Day is approaching……

How would she turn him down? Would she reject him firmly? Or would she turn him down considerately?

He would not dare to have extravagant hope that she would accept……
Maybe next year…… he could have a breakthrough, if everything went well.

This is the path he chose, he is well aware that this would be a long and tough challenge, 

Although he fully prepared for this, but the feeling of waiting to be rejected is still very hard to bear.

Today, not only a few people around him continuously asked him if he is not feeling well. 

Is it really this obvious?

Even his professional poker face could not be able to hide his emotions?

“Cut, Ok!” The director said.

Finishing off, that is the last set of shooting in Jeju-do.
And the whole crews are going back to Seoul shortly, the supporting crews are busy packing up all the filming equipments and stage properties.

HJ finally gets some resting time,
His cell phone stays with him all the time today, every now and then, he will pick it up and take a look.

Still got no message from her……
Perhaps she is worried that he would get hurt, is she going to hold her answer until the last moment?

On his way to the airport, HJ keep dazing at his cell phone,

“What’s the matter?” MH who sits next to him asked.
“Nothing,” HJ said.

Writing her a message, “Where are you now?”, take a second look before sending to her,
Got her reply a short while later, “LA”

“Although it is a day early, would you accept the gift?”
Waiting for her answer, considering how he would response to her rejection.

After a long wait, finally got her message,
“Still hasn’t figured out yet.”

He is shocked, this answer is……
“Still hasn’t figured out how to turn down???” HJ sent her another message right away,
“No, still hasn’t figured out if I could accept.” 

HJ sits up without him noticing,
Happiness start to flow through him,
This is the first time she admits to him that she is thinking about them, their relationship, he understands what this meant.

Maybe, what he anticipates could achieve ahead of time……

___________________
End Note:

1 Gum Jandi – The main female character in drama Boys Over Flowers.

When Chapter 35 is posted by 只想戒毒nim, 只想戒毒 stated that she is inspired by one of the fancam captured Hyun Joong arriving from Jeju-do after he finished filming BOF on March 13, 09. Click HERE for the link, and watch it yourself. Why he is THIS happy? Something special must happen, and look at his RING, does someone said he only wear this RING when he is in a relationship?
Where is his usual poker face? Hyun Joong is really rarely smile in the airport, the other "Smile" I could remember is the "Smile" when he arrived in Taiwan on June, 09, when he discovered Joongbo's Poster, watch it yourself 
HERE.

Credits:只想戒毒, from Chinese Ssangchu Baidu Island
Additional information from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

© [只想戒毒 & ydwlai] 2009. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of [只想戒毒 & ydwlai].

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