Monday, March 8, 2010

Promise (Chapter 36 & 37)

Chapter 36

Arriving in Seoul, stepping out of the Airport, and sending him a message telling him she just got back.

He replied, “Got it”, he did not say any further.

That day when he asked if she would accept the gift, she replied saying that she has not figured out yet.
It is true that she really has not figured out yet. She has been thinking deeply throughout the whole US trip, although her thoughts have been changed, but she still could not come close to a conclusion.

Getting back to her apartment, giving JunJin a call and telling him that there is something she wants to discuss with him, and confirms to meet with him tomorrow.

She is in jet lag, so she slept through the whole night.

The next day, having lunch with JunJin around noon time,
Showing JunJin the photos she took during her US trip, and telling him all the interesting stories happened in the trip.

Finishing their lunch, while enjoying their tea, HB keeps her silence for awhile before she starts,
“Choong Jae, I want to be irrational for once, what do you think?”

Watching over JunJin’s expression, and a bit nervous on what she had just said.

JunJin is a bit surprised, tucking in his arms under his chest and looking at her for awhile,
“Are you saying …… you made up your mind?”

She looks down and softly says, “Still unsure and hesitate ……”
“Have you talked to Hyun Joong yet?” JunJin pours her some more tea and asked.

“Not yet ……., I want to chat with you first.” HB said.

HB looks up,

“What if …… I urge you not to try out something silly like this?” JunJin asked.
“I…..don’t know……,” She really hopes that he could convince her enough, so that she would not be vexed by this anymore.

JunJin keeps his silence for awhile, then slowly starts,
“He is still too young, the age gap between you two is huge.”
“Yep, I know……”

“He is not settling down anytime soon, there are too many variances that could be changed.” JunJin continues his conviction.
“Yep …… But even if he is someone else who is comparative to my age, will the variances be less and unchanged?”
She unknowingly voices out her opinion,

JunJin pauses for a moment, then continues,
“He is an idol,”
“Yep ……” She acknowledged softly,

“For a very long while in the future, your relationship must be undercover, this relationship would be very difficult for you to keep and carry on.”
“I am a celebrity too, even if I dated an ordinary guy, most likely I have to put the relationship undercover as well, and I won’t be able to have normal date too.” She said.
She thoroughly thought of this scenario already.

“How about Marriage? You are in the age of considering Marriage soon.” JunJin continues.

She could not say a single word, and this is the thing that bothered her the most,

“What did Hyun Joong say about this? Did he ever consider the future? Could it be that you would accept and start a relationship without thinking your future and without considering Marriage?” Looking at her keeping her silence, JunJin does not stop and continuously convincing her. 

“I don’t know, haven’t discuss with him yet,” She said,
“Even if the relationship started with consideration of future and all, there’s no guarantee that it will aim to Marriage in the end …… Isn’t it better not to be this sedulous and too sensitive about Marriage to begin with, and go with the flow to naturally and discreetly walk our way to Marriage?” She’s been thinking about this all these while, but this sounds so flimsy that it doesn’t even convince herself, she looks rather uneasy before taking a peek at JunJin.

JunJin picks up his cup, and takes a sip of the tea, falls in his deep thought for a moment before he continues,
“What if you two couldn’t walk ‘til the end of path? Would you be able to overcome the pain once again?”

This is what she scared the most, she had been through that tremendous pain before. Although she thoroughly understand that the pain would subside slowly but surely through time, but she really does not want to go through that painful path again.

Even though she is scared, but no one could predict what future lie ahead, no one knows if there is the happiness or bitterness lie ahead in the future. Unless someone refused to live their life, otherwise, how would anyone refuse to accept bitterness in life?

“I don’t know…… You could not predict the future in the beginning of any relationship, all you could do is to grasp and cherish what you have now.” HB carefully thought about it in her mind before she softly replied to JunJin.

JunJin suddenly starts to laugh,
“You’ve already been carefully considered and thought thoroughly, what else could I say?”

She blushes, and murmurs shyly,
“…… Although I’ve been carefully considered those doubts and worries, I still don’t have enough confidence and steadiness about us.”

“So, you called me out today trying to ask me to cheer you up?” JunJin asked.
“Ani, Ani……. I just want to chat with you ……” HB answered immediately.

JunJin offers his hand to her, “Congratulations!”
Looking at the hand JunJin offered in front of her, without thinking, HB reaches out her hand too, JunJin grasps her hand tightly and shakes her hand.

HB finally gets hold of herself and responses to him, 
“What? ……. Congratulations to what?”

“Congratulations to you finally recovered and standing on your feet again.” JunJin said.
She is still confused and puzzled, “What do you mean?”

“We keep worrying about you these years, we don’t know when you would completely recuperate from what happened two years ago.” JunJin said.
“Wei? I recovered long time ago, aren’t I? I am still the same Hwangbo Hye Jung as always, aren’t I?” HB asked.

“To the casual observer, you seem you recovered. But to us, it is obvious that you are not, ‘cause you are afraid to love again ……” JunJin calmly said,
HB outrageously looks at JunJin, she could not even mumble a word out of her lips,
JunJin continues, “If you don’t have and lost the courage to love, how could you said you already recuperated and standing on your feet again? You could at most claim yourself crouching.”

This is what she does not want to admit and this is the subject she does not want to touch, but JunJin mentioned this so causally but firmly. She thought she hide it well enough that no one would notice, but apparently this is not the case.

The sudden surge of emotions grow wildly from her heart, her tears flowing in her eyes blurred her sight, finally, quietly running down her cheek then to her chin.

“Yah, you should at least give me a sign before you start to cry like this, I need time to prepare myself emotionally too.” JunJin is in a flurry, trying to grab her some facial tissues.

“Are you this touching to have such a handsome friend like me? “ JunJin grins cheekily approaching her,

Pushing away JunJin’s approaching face, HB can’t help but breaks into laughter,
“When did you find out? …… I never hear you mentioned it before ……” She asks him while she’s wiping off her tears,

“We all know, an on-looker could see clearly, but this is something you have to go through on your own, others couldn’t really give you any help.” JunJin said.


Completely touching, she is blessed to have such wonderful group of friends around her, quietly protecting her, taking care of her.

“I personally not fond of Kim Hyun Joong, you already know the reasons.” JunJun said.

“Yep ……”

“But as long as you made your decision, we would unconditionally support you.”

This word could not express how grateful she is to her friends, but she could not find any other vocabulary fits better than this word.

Chapter 37

The drama is wrapping up, the drama filming is slowing down and his filming schedule is not as packed as before, but this doesn’t mean his own schedule is less hectic. SS501 is preparing for their come back as 5 members together after their long hiatus, his practicing schedules, studio recordings, CF shootings, etc., are using up most of his time. 

He is still very busy, sometimes, he even forgot the time and day he was in.
But he clearly remembered she came back to Seoul 6 days ago.

Got no filming schedule in the evening, he is practicing the choreography for his new solo song in the dancing studio.

The first time debuted in acting and received praise for his hard work, he felt inspired and encouraged, and he wants to take up another acting challenge in the future.

But at the same time, he realized deeply how passionate he is towards Music, he is now so clear that he enjoys more being a singer, and feels happier performing on stage,

He is filled with anticipation for their long waited comeback, and he is working his butt off preparing for it, so serious that he felt like he never worked that hard before,

During resting time, puffing, sitting down leaning on the wall in the studio, he gave her a call,

“Hello,” The call was answered.
“Where are you?” He asked.

“Filming, I got quite a lot of works piles up, how about you?” She replied.
“I’m practicing.” He said.

“Take good care of yourself, don’t be too tired.”
“Orh …… Let’s have dinner tomorrow night.” He said.

“……” She is quiet from her end,
“How’s that? ……” He asked.

“Focus on our works first, let’s talks about it later when we are not as busy.” She murmurs.
“……” He doesn’t know what else he could say,

“I got to go now, bye.” He heard someone is calling her name from her end.
“Arraso, Bye ……” That’s all HJ could say.

She hanged up “Doo… Doo…” The disconnecting tone is still ringing from his cell phone, he didn’t hang up, instead, he persistently staring at the screen.
This is the third time already…..

Since she came back to Seoul, whenever he sent her message, she only gave him a very simply reply,

“Yep, Take Care, Be Careful!” or
“Orh, Fighting!” ……

Her replies cannot be anyhow shorter than these.
Even phoning her asking her to meet up with him, she repeatedly told him to concentrate on their works first and they could discuss things afterward.

Worries dimly hidden under his shadow, 

Is something happened that he was not aware of?
Is he back at ground zero again?

He thought what he anticipates could achieve ahead of time, but why all of a sudden it seems shipping away again?

He does not mind to start his effort again, but he really wants to know what went wrong.

She said she still hasn’t figured out yet, and she needs time to think thoroughly. He certainly wants to go with her wishes, giving her plenty of time & room, and not to pressure her. But looking at the way thing goes, what exactly is she thinking of? …… Is she letting her imagination and worry run wild? ……

He has to come up with his own plan ……

Three in the morning, after his practice, HJ went to get his car and told Manager Hyung he has to go somewhere. HJ told MH he would go to the filming site on his own tomorrow.

Driving directly to her apartment building, parked in front of the building and looked up,

There is no lights up on her apartment, when he is still hesitate if he going to phone or not, a car slowly drove by, the head light is so bright that it blind his sight for a moment.

The car stopped and parked a few steps away from his, he reflexively takes a peek, and to his surprise, it actually is her car.

Watching her opening the door, and getting off her car.
He is getting off as well, walk up to her, “Hello!”

She is in shock, quickly looks back, and is very surprised to see him in the wee hours,
“Oh……, how come it’s you?”

Smiling at her, “That’s right, never thought we could bump to each other like this, such a coincidence.”
She oddly stared at him, “Coincidence? …… Bump into me in front of my apartment building?”

“Just at the time I’m gonna phone you, and you show up, of course that’s coincident.” He insisted.
He keeps looking at her outfit while talking to her, her skirt is really short, but at least she got her stockings on.

“Why did you come?” She asked.
HJ curls his lip, those words really put him in bad mood. But those words sound familiar, isn’t he said the same words to her before? When she visited him in Japan during WGM time, now, he knows how it feels when he heard it himself.

“You prefer to get in my car or we get up to your place?” HJ do gave her two choices.
Gazing at him for a while, make a sigh, she finally said, “Let’s get in your car.”

Sitting in the car, he steals glances at her, and examining her. She looks a bit tired, but she also looks calm.
“Just got back from Clubbing?” She came back in the wee hours, he cannot stop himself from asking.

“The magazine shooting ran later than expected.” She takes a look at him before she answered.

HJ made a fake cough to release his uneasiness,
“…… I didn’t come closer to you just now, afraid you would give me a kick, the taekwondo style.”

HB gave him a displeased stare, “I’m about to do that, why would you show up all of a sudden ……”

Looking at her, “You seem to have a good time in your US trip.”
“Yep, it is quite good, just like having a vacation …… How would you know?” She turned to him and asked.

“Cause …… You gain weight ……” Look at her intensively to her expression after he spilled out those words.

As expected, she looks anxious patting on her face, and flip open the mirror in the car to carefully examine her look,
“Sincha? Is it really that obvious?”

HJ starts to laugh, immediately HB gives him a heavy stare for a long time, but she break out a smile too at last.

“Why would you come?” She asked again.
“Wanna …… Wanna come look for you and see you in person.” Considering for a bit, he smiled and said,

She takes a look at him, “…… Now you already saw me, you better get back and get some rest.”


只想戒毒, from Chinese Ssangchu Baidu Island

Additional information from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

© [只想戒毒 & ydwlai] 2009. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of [只想戒毒 & ydwlai].

What Do You Think?:


  1. thanks for the upload.. can you please upload the rest of the chapters too? thx!!!

  2. Hmmm... I've already upload the rest of it... you may read the rest of it here