Chapter 32
Being told that he was nominated to The Popularity Award of the 45th PaekSang Art Awards1 and the ballots he got is drawing away from the other actors nominated to the same Award. He is actually crazily busy when he was told, and been spinning around trying to fulfill all his schedules. He feels rather unexpected, thus he is lacking the genuineness of being nominated.
On the day of the 45th PaekSang Art Award, the BOF director deliberately free up the filming schedule for F4, so that they could attend the Award Night.
The moment he walks on the Red Carpet, he spreads his signature smile, waving to the audience crowd up at both sides of the Red Carpet. Hearing the fans loud cheering and tremendous amount of flashlights, he finally feels the genuineness that he really got nominated, and feeling quite excited at the same time. This is the first time he is involved and got nominated to such a weighty award solely based on his own effort.
He is sitting with the rest of the F4 members, he gets a bit nervous while waiting and drinking water non-stop like what he did all the time when he got nervous.
Finally, it is time to present the Popularity Award, his ballots are drawing away from the beginning till the end, and basically there is almost no doubt on whom going to win the award.
When his name is announced by the presenter, he stands up, walking towards the stage. Although he knows this in advance, he still feels dreamy.
Standing on stage, SS501 and F4 members are coming close to him giving flowers and hugging him to congratulate him.
At the same stage, Yoona from SNSD is the winner of the Popularity Award in Female category.
When it is time for the thank-you speech, he unconsciously signals Yoona to go forward to make her speech first.
Yoona being polite and signals him to go forward first, and that’s the time he realizes he is the Sunbae2 here, he should be stepping forward for his speech first.
At the time he is going forward to present his speech, the speech he prepared in advance faded away, he could not yet remember one word, this makes him more nervous, and he even stutters at the key moment.
He makes a big sigh when he stepped down the stage, his thought slowly gets back to normal, thinking back what he had said in his speech, he realized he forgot to thank his SS members, such a pity.
Getting back to his seat, he is still trying to get hold of his emotions, trying to calm down.
Since joining WGM last year, looks as if his life starts to go through a series of changes, it is not exaggerated using idioms “Go from Zero to Hero”, “Lucky break” to describe these changes. There are a lot of great opportunities that he never have think of comes up to him.
He doesn’t know why, but he firmly believes from the bottom of his heart that it is She who brings Luck to him.
Will she watch the live broadcast tonight?
He really wants to share this joyful moment with her.
Thinking back the day that he fainted, she came and visited him, his lips curls up to a bright smile he couldn’t hide.
He is jokingly requested her to pay him a visit, never thought that she would agree to come, that split second when she said she would come, the tremendous happiness he had he couldn’t describe through words.
To tell the truth, after drinking with Yunho, he was wholly sheltered with the unprecedented powerlessness.
Looking at how painful Yunho looked, he seemed like he could see the same future on him. But the lovely surprise she brought is like the most effective remedy, totally washed away the pessimistic feelings accumulated deep in him.
The Pumpkin Congee she specially made just for him, and she made a full table of dishes.
Preparing food together in the kitchen, he felt like they went back to WGM times, and what's more, she felt the same way too.
He did not say anything further, he felt a lot relieve that she is willing to come visit him, and he did not want to give her any more pressure.
If time is what she needs now, he is willing to give her plenty, for her to sort thing through.
On her, she radiant out this warm homey charisma that he craves, and she soothe his anxiety just by her presence.
Not knowing why she asked him about trusting his own feeling, is this question bothered her right now?
He vaguely feels that this question linked to what happened between them, their blurry relationship.
Is this meant that she is thinking and looking at their relationship in a different angle?
That day, he was not sure when did she leave, he actually did not expect he would fall asleep that early, he wanted to stay longer with her, to feel the peace she brought to him.
Maybe it is too peaceful, he inconspicuously fell asleep. The next morning, he even got to eat the food she prepared and saved up for him.That is such a bonus being fainted for the first time.
After the PaekSang Art Award, Manager Han arranged him to pay a visit Goo Nuna3 in the hospital.He has not have time to visit Goo Nuna yet after her car accident.
Is there a price needed to pay for setting such high viewing rate and getting such high popularity? During the filming process, accidents happened one after another, everyone is really putting in enormous efforts for this drama.
There are times they joke around in the filming location guessing who would be the next victim.
Leaving the hospital, Manager Han said he will drive him back to the dorm, and he still got around three hours rest.
HJ tells him he will drive himself home, and he will go to the filming location by himself tomorrow.
Manager Han urges him ensure him to be careful driving, then leaves.
HJ drives himself straight to her apartment building, it is almost 3:00am arriving in front of the apartment building; looks up and hesitates a bit, but he still phones her.
“Hello,” her voice is a bit husky, sounds like she just woke up from her sweet dream.
“It’s me, have you sleep yet?” HJ asked.
“Almost …… Congratulation,” She sure enough watched the Award broadcasted tonight.
“Could I receive your congratulation in person?” He asked.
“Right now? …… Seems like is not possible even if I want to.” She said.
“I’m here, downstairs of your apartment. Could you come down?” HJ asked sincerely.
Suddenly hearing a big bang noise from her end, “Ouch......” She moans out.
“What happened?” He can’t refrain from asking.
“Nothing, wait for me, I will come down soon.” She said.
A short time later, she shows up, running out of the building. She is wearing her hoodie & sweatpants, and a down jacket, her hair casually tide into a pony tail.
Seeing her running close, HJ reaches out to open the passenger’s door for her.
She gets in and still panting slightly.
“How would …… you come?” She asked.
“Just really want to come.” HJ turns to look at her and says,
She does not have any make-up on, Just the word ‘Pretty’ simply could not describe the impression she gave him, she is very beautiful. Not only her appearance but the particular beauty that radiates deep from her heart, her beauty always makes his heart skip a beat, and trembles uncontrollably.
She wants to say something, her lips slightly mumble, but does not speak it out in the end.
“You watched the Award broadcast tonight?” HJ asked.
“Yep,“ She suddenly laughs, “and I saw you stutter too ……”
HJ laughs as well, “I’m really nervous, I totally forgot everything in the speech I prepared ahead of time.”
“Hyun Joong, Congratulation……” She smiles happily, and he knows she would truly be happy for him on any achievement he got.
“Thank you……” He really thankful to her wholeheartedly, she is the one whom he wants to thank the most.
“How much rest you would have if you drove back to the dorm now?” HB asked.
“Probably around 2 hours ……” HJ replied.
“That’s barely any, Otoke4? ……” She said and worried.
“Kenchana5, I’m used to it already ……” He really wants to stay with her longer.
She takes a look at him, “How would that be okay not to sleep? You body could not bear any further.”
“Kenchana, probably I won’t be able to fall sleep tonight anyway ……” He said.
She sighs and falls in silence for a while.
“Why not ….. you try to sleep in the car now, and I will wake you up when it’s about time.” She suggested.
“Don’t bother, you need to rest too, I will get going awhile later.” He said.
“My schedule is in the afternoon, I could catch some sleep in the morning, no problem.” She insisted, and while she’s saying, she starts to recline the seat for him, so that he could lie down.
Although his rational mind told him she would be exhausted and his heart hurts thinking about it, but he cannot resist the temptation and yearning that he could stay longer by her side, he finds himself still lying down in the end.
In just a while, He could not believe he feels sleepy that quickly, after a yawn, the moment before he falls asleep, he remembers there is something he forgot to tell her,
“Our ‘BoBo6’ scene was shown once more in the PaekSang Award today ……”
Falling into his sweet dream ……
He slept soundly until HB pushes him, he slowly awake and sit up, stretching his body, and messaging his sore neck muscle.
It is still quite dark outside; the sky is just about to light up a bit.
She smiles at him and asks, “Am I really got the hypnotic strength?”
“Seems like you are ……” He smiles back at her.
“How could that be? ……” She is confused.
“Perhaps because of you giving me …… calm and secure ……” He gazed at her, and slowly said.
Her smile slowly fades away, she slightly licks her lips, “Let’s get going, otherwise, you’ll be late.”
“Make sure you get some rest when you got home, Araso7?” HJ said.
His heart ache thinking she did not get any rest because of him.
She replies him ensuring him that she would get rest later, and she accentuates that he should always pay attention to his own health, making sure he eats more, and then she gets off.
Waving at her before him slowly starts his car, and slowly drives off.
Continuously looking at her through the rear mirror, her shadow is getting smaller and smaller until disappeared.
_____________________
End Note:
1 the 45th PaekSang Art Awards - The PaekSang Arts Awards are annually by IS PLUS Corp. to recognize outstanding achievements in the South Korean entertainment industry and to focus wide public attention upon the best in Korean films and dramas. The 45th Paeksang Arts Awards honoring the best in film and drama for 2008 was held on February 27, 2009 at the Olympic Hall in the Olympic Park with a live broadcasting by SBS.
2 Sunbae – Term describes a person in work place or in school who is older than you in Korean.
3 Goo Nuna – Here refer to Goo Hye Sung, the leading actress in BOF.
4 Otoke – Korean word means ‘What to do?’ in English
5 Kenchana – Korean word means ‘I’m okay’ or ‘no problem’ in English.
6 BoBo – Korean word means ‘Kiss’ in English.
7 Araso – Korean word means ‘Okay’ or ‘Understand’ in English.
Chapter 33
There is no one smiling or joking, the whole filming crews are enfolding with the sadness and grief.
Everyone in BOF heard what happened to Jang Ja-Yeon1, this is really shocking, someone whom worked closely and joshed around with them just a few days ago, now disappeared and gone totally.
The world is imperfect and impermanence, lives are indeed awfully fragile.
He’s been hearing things happened in Entertainment world, things that are terribly evil, he is considered really lucky that he didn’t really experienced such thing.
For a person to resolutely decide to end her most valuable life, is this deemed as brave or frail?
What kind of evil power behind the scene forced a delicate girl like Jang Ja-Yeon to use death as a weapon to fight against it? He is not a sentimental person, though he can’t help but still feel sorry for her.
Thinking about this, he abruptly and desperately wants to hear her voice, her distinguished warm voice.
He picks up his phone, makes a deep sigh and puts it down again.
She is now in the United States, joining the Compassion team for their charity campaign2.
They had a phone conversation before she left for her trip, she emphasized and urged him again and again to pay attention to his own health.
She must be really happy right now, doing what she loves to do.
Before getting to know her, charity work gives him the impression that it is something quite far away from him. Although he is not refusing to do it, there simply not much chance for him to be involved.
Remembering he asked her before, asking her how was it felt like doing charity works. She told him that she is just giving in a little bit of her spare time doing some insignificant contribution, and what she got is way more than what she gave. He still clearly remembered how shyly and hesitantly she looked, as if she is getting too many advantages that she was not supposed to get.
She is the only person he saw and knew enthusiastically doing charity work so naturally and happily, for the first time, he finds himself unwittingly wanting to do the same thing.
Through her, he saw a different world, the world that he did not get to know before.
She always works hard, her supposedly president of her previous management company ran away with all her money and put her in deep debts, she was in tremendous pressure but she bore silently with such burden for so many years; her boyfriend who she was with for eight long years, the wedding bell was about to ring but was unpredictably abandoned her. A woman who experienced all these hardships, still have this brilliant smile, putting in all her efforts to live well, putting in all her efforts to bring joy to everyone around her.
The deeper he gets to know her, the more he understands how precious she is, there are times he doubted himself, questioning himself if he really capable to cherish her with matching happiness. Still it is out of the question that he will let go, not possible! Just blamed him being selfish, but he never would and never could let go of her. In whatever way it takes, he is going to cling on to her3.
At night, HJ received her message,
“Just found out what happened to Jang Ja-Yeon, are you alright?” HB asked.
“I think I’m fine, just feeling pity for her.” HJ replied in his message.
“That’s right, really pity.” HB replied afterward.
The funeral takes place two days later, HJ attended the funeral with the main BOF casts. The huge photo of the deceased hanged in the center of the mourning hall, friends and families are grieving deeply for the heartbreaking lost, and the whole atmosphere is oppressive and sympathetic, really hard to bear.
He is in grieving, his heart weights heavily.
After the funeral, HJ is standing on top of the steps, looking up to the overcast gloomy sky, makes a long sigh, sending her a message,
“Apparently trying to live well is not as easy as it seems like.”
Getting back to the filming site continues filming.
It is sad, but life must go on.
When HJ finally gets his break, he takes a look at his cell phone, and got her reply,
“It’s true, that’s why we have to work even harder.”
________________________
End Note:
1 Jang Ja-yeon (8 December 1982 – 7 March 2009) was a South Korean actress. At the time of her death, Jang had been starring in the KBS television drama series Boys Over Flowers. She had been suffering from depression, and a police investigation concluded that her death was a suicide. Jang Ja-yeon was found hanged to death at her home in the Bundang district of Seongnam, Gyeonggi province, on 7 March 2009.
2 Compassion International - Compassion International is a Christian child sponsorship organization dedicated to the long-term development of children living in poverty around the world. Compassion International, headquartered in Colorado Springs, functions in 25 countries and currently helps more than 1,000,000 children. Click Here for more information about Compassion.
Shin Ae-ra and Hwangbo Hye Jung are one of the active participants. Hye Jung departed on March 5, 2009 to United Stated for Compassion events.
3 I don’t know why, but Hyun Joong’s song, Thank you, keep playing in my mind when I translated this part, here is the lyrics:
Thank You (Komapda) by Kim Hyun Joong
Thank you..
For staying by my side
Nervous..
Walking this road with you
I love u..
The awkward words that I want to say in front of you
Be blessed..
I must let u live well
Sorry..
For meeting someone like me
Painfull..
I’m still lacking in many ways
I will be by your side until the end
I will protect the beautiful you
(* I pray not to release this hands even if I die
I promise to walk with you until the end of time
Because the extreme love
can be worn out of time
I vow to keep the beautiful memories
And even the days that we cried
Sorry..
For not able to be better
Painful
That I am always lacking in some ways
I will protect you until the end even if it’s hard
I will protect the beautiful you *)
Repeat (**)
Only you can forgive my heart
Even though I am imperfect
Even though I am lacking in many ways
I sincerely want you
Even if the days of difficulties were to come
I will not release the two hands that I hold until the end of time
Because the extreme love
can be worn out of time
I vow to keep the beautiful memories
And even the days that we cried
Thank you..
For staying by my side
Credits:
只想戒毒, from Chinese Ssangchu Baidu Island
Additional information from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
© [只想戒毒 & ydwlai] 2009. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of [只想戒毒 & ydwlai]
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